No Love without Acceptance, No Life without Love

From reading Atonement, by Ian McEwan; Waltzing the Cat, by Pam Houston; and The God Box, by Alex Sanchez; I feel confident in declaring, to be alive means to love and to be loved. The characters in each of these books lead completely opposite lives but all were on the same mission, to find love. The search for affection mixed in with the journey of life creates an equation that equals times of bliss as well as times of whirlwind downfall. In order to make this equation more positive then not, these characters have shown me how important it is to live life with an accepting heart and mind. Briony from Atonement, Lucy from Waltzing the Cat, and Manuel from The God Box, have shown that love without acceptance is non existent and life without love is meaningless.

Atonement introduces us to a character, Briony, who lives a life that lacks acceptance. No one, not even herself, ever lives up to the unrealistic standards she sets. Even as a young child Briony lived in this harsh way, always criticizing her own writings and believing her plays were never good enough. Briony also applied this harsh judgment on other people. For example, when her cousins wanted to be in her play their acting skills were never up to par in her opinion. The last straw, that ruined her life, was pulled when she decided she would not accept the unexpected.

After Robbie confesses his love for her sister Cecilia, Briony decides that they are not allowed to love each other. Briony set her mind on not allowing them to be together which eventually leads Robbie into being blamed for the rape of a 15-year-old child. This lie incarcerates him for many years to follow and causes Briony to feel rejected and foolish for the rest of her life. Briony spends the rest of her miserable existence trying to seek forgiveness for her childhood mistake. During these years she is unable to accept what she has done and instead takes on nursing jobs, as a form of “punishment”, hoping to erase her mistake.
I believe Briony’s faults lie in her inability to understand that some people will never forgive, and a mistake cannot be undone. Rather than dwelling and getting involved in nursing jobs, just because she thought it would redeem her, she should have accepted the situation, learned from it, and moved on. By following these steps Briony could have eventually been able to love herself. Although this sounds easy, I have defiantly found myself in Briony’s shoes at one point of my life and proceeding in that fashion is not as easy as it sounds. In 7th grade I did something that I thought I would never be able to get over. I regretted the decision I made with all of my heart and constantly thought about how stupid I was to make that decision. The feelings I felt during this time period were terrible and I wanted nothing more than to undo the mistake I made. Eventually though I came to realize, in order to be happy again I must move on. I figured out the world was not going to end but would be much less fulfilling if I dwelled on what I had done. The lessons learned from mistakes are the greatest lessons one will ever learn in their lifetime. The perks of living life sans regret can be seen throughout Waltzing the Cats.

Lucy, the protagonist in Waltzing the Cats, is on a journey towards discovering that acceptance is the key to love, which in the bigger picture is the key to life. Although Lucy is prone to the wrong decisions at all the critical times and constantly finds herself back in a disappointing situation her ability to get back on her toes astonishes me. She is an accepting woman who gives all kinds of men a chance to be in her life. Her share of men range from, Gordon, the lover turned stalker; Carter, who is extremely physically and emotionally distant; and Erik the almost perfect alcoholic; always hopeful that they might be the right one for her. Even though they aren’t Lucy learns from them and understands that things rarely go according to plan.
Lucy has an amazingly ability of being able to accept the flow of life and people around her but Lucy’s biggest hurdle seems to be in accepting herself. Throughout her childhood Lucy lived in a home with a mother who always criticized her daughter’s body and a father who never mustered up the courage to tell his daughter he loved her. Eventually though, with the help of some wise friends, Lucy discovers how to trust in herself and all she has to offer the world.
I find that I relate most to Lucy. Her main problem seems to be accepting herself, a problem I often find myself dealing with. I have never been comfortable with my body and have struggled all my life to make it what I want. Even though some may think there is nothing wrong with it, like Lucy, I am my biggest critic. The process of self-improvement often has a destructive impact mentally and emotionally. When I ask myself what I “should do” or what I “should be” I set myself up for self-rejection. Although this is one of the downsides of Lucy’s personality her ability to live without regret is remarkable.

Lucy’s ability to never regret something that at one time made her smile is phenomenal. Even when things don’t go as she had hoped, she continues to seek out the adventures that make her adrenaline pump and the men that put a smile on her face. She accepts her current situations and never gives up the determination of finding an even better one. Like Lucy, I have discovered it is best to learn from my mistakes and trust my hearts belief that eventually the pieces will fall together. Like Lucy, I too make mistakes but never do I let them determine what will come next, I make those decisions on my own. A character who takes acceptance to a whole other level is Manuel.
Manuel is a character I learned a lot from. In my opinion he is the definition of a person who has found his way to uncovering the meaning of life. He completely accepts himself, others, and the ups and downs of life. This ability allows him to love and to be loved by others freely.
One way in which Manuel demonstrates his gift of acceptance is that ever since the age of twelve he has been openly gay. He has never tried to deny his true identify to himself or to others, which has benefited him greatly. Manuel also does not put pressure on his best friend, Paul, to come out of the closet. Throughout their friendship Manuel knows that Paul is gay but he understands that not everybody can be as honest with himself or herself as he is. Lastly, even after Manuel gets beat up by his classmates he still rejects the temptations of blaming a higher power or seeking revenge. He accepts what has been done to him and continues to look forward to a better tomorrow.
I admire Manuel for his positive view on life. Manuel strengths lie in the fact that he accepts everything in life he is given. He believes it all happens for a reason and accepts that not everybody is able to have the same mentality he has. Because he does not judge he is able to live a meaningful life filled with love. Manuel way of handling life is something I envy. He is able to accept himself and others to the fullest degree. This is a quality I must still work towards.
Manuel does not judge others, which I think is his greatest characteristic. I find it hard to be nonjudgmental all of the time. My sister is a very unique individual who could probably be considered my opposite. I often find myself judging her and picking apart what I do not approve of in her life. When I do this it often leads to the two of us getting in fights. Even though I know life would be easier if I could just accept her for whom she is, it is often too difficult for me to do so.  I would like to understand that everyone has the free will to choose any lifestyle they desire. Who am I to say what they are doing is right or wrong? When I judge others I restrict my ability to seek out the good in them, which is what I should be seeking out in them. I know I must work towards being more accepting of others.
All three of these books prove that individuals must accept the positives as well as the negatives in themselves, in one another, and in life. These characters have helped me realize that it is much more difficult to change a quality a person poses or alter a situation, than it is to accept that person or situation for what it is. When a person learns to accept themselves, other individuals, and the ups and downs of life, their life will be positive and filled with love. Briony, Lucy, and Manuel show that hurts and disappointments are part of life but Lucy and Manuel have discovered how to accept what life dishes out. Similar to Lucy and Manuel, Briony wants to be loved but unlike the other characters she is hindered by her inability to forgive herself and accept what had happened in the past. The ability to accept without judgment is one of the secret ingredients to happiness. Denying reality never brings love to a person or any of the people around them.